What are the 7 traits of a narcissist

Gripping Netflix psychological thriller You is now deep into season three.

It follows the life of Joe Goldberg, a man obsessed with women, stalking them, and eliminating threats to his dominance.

But narcissistic personality disorder, like Joe’s, is a real mental health condition.

So how can you tell if someone around you is displaying signs of it? And what should you do about it?

What is a narcissist?

A condition in which people have an inflated opinion of themselves, a need for excessive attention, a lack of sympathy for others and react negatively to criticism.

What are the 7 traits of a narcissist

Psychiatrists at rehab clinic Delamere have advice on the red flags you should look for.

1. They lack empathy

The way someone with a narcissistic personality experiences emotion is different from most people. They don’t understand how words, deeds and actions can cause pain or hurt to others.

In a relationship, this translates to them saying cruel things, but not caring because they don’t feel anyone else’s feelings.

What are the 7 traits of a narcissist

2. They’re manipulative

This could be controlling behaviour – telling you what you’re allowed to wear, who you’re allowed to spend time with or where you’re allowed to go.

Narcissists are experts at getting what they want. They don’t care what impact their manipulation has on others. They use it to get attention, validation and status.

3. They gaslight you

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse, where someone leads you to question your sanity and attempts to undermine your perception of reality.

Narcissists will say or do something abusive and then deny it ever happened.

They will often try to minimise or invalidate your feelings. Along with making you doubt your memory, they’ll deflect responsibility and blame you.

What are the 7 traits of a narcissist

4. They don’t have any (or many) long-lasting friendships

They have trouble maintaining relationships.

And when a friend no longer serves their needs enough, or threatens their self-image, they will distance or cut them off completely.

Because they can’t form long-lasting relationships, they will often lash out when you want to hang out with your friends.

5. They put you down

Narcissists hate feeling less than, weak or out of control.

So they will pull you down, call you names, hit you with hurtful words and jokes, or belittle your job, social life, personality traits or physical appearance.

Their goal is to lower your self-esteem to increase their sense of power and authority.

What are the 7 traits of a narcissist
Controlling behaviour such as watching your every move or telling you where you can go, is common for narcissists.

6. They can’t take criticism

They will reject or ignore criticism, becoming angry, hostile or aggressive to others.

Their need to feel above others makes it difficult for them to take on board suggestions for improvement.

They hate not getting their own way and feel entitled to have their needs and desires met, as they simply can’t deal with disappointment or rejection.

7. Narcissists never apologise

Being abrupt, jealous and self-involved is common. But they will never apologise.

Instead, they’ll devalue your feelings by telling you that you are being overly sensitive or too emotional. If you try to reason with them, they will try ‘educating’ you instead.

What are the 7 traits of a narcissist

How to stay sane and deal with it…

  • Talk about it with a local counsellor, friends or join a support group who can help you.
  • Accept you can’t change them. And staying with a narcissistic person can be extremely damaging to you.
  • Leaving a narcissistic relationship will be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. But it is possible if you practise self-care, keep strong boundaries and constantly remind yourself why you need to walk away.

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What are the 7 traits of a narcissist

Narcissists are good at targeting people. There are specific traits narcissists look for in their victims.

Understanding Narcissism

Being involved with a narcissist may be one of the most challenging experiences in your life. A narcissist will use their victim a narcissistic supply, dragging them into a toxic cycle of abuse to finally discard them with no remorse, empathy, or compassion. 

People with narcissistic traits or personality disorders tend to put their needs first in a relationship, often showing manipulative, demeaning, and controlling behavior. 

A narcissist has an inflated ego and exaggerated feelings of own importance and self-worth, believing that they are superior, always blaming others for their mistakes or failures.  

They will use their victims as a narcissistic supply to gain control in a relationship and satisfy their exaggerated need for admiration and attention.

Outwardly, a narcissist typically seems charming and charismatic. At the beginning of your relationship with a narcissist, you may feel like the most loved or the most important person in the world. Soon enough, however, being emotionally involved with a narcissist can become nerve-wracking and exhausting.  

7 Traits Narcissists Look for in Their Victims

To gain control in relationships, narcissists search for partners with specific traits. A narcissist typically looks out for a partner who can quickly become their narcissistic supply – someone to constantly beef up their ego. 

Here are 7 traits narcissists look for in their victims.

1. They are Forgiving 

A narcissist will target a victim who will forgive them over and over for being hurtful. Typically, people who stay in relationships with narcissists are kind and forgiving. They tend to overlook the bad, seeing mainly the good in other people. So, they will always find excuses for a narcissist’s abusive behavior. 

2. They Suffer from Unhealed Trauma

Narcissists typically target potential intimate partners with hurtful past experiences. When they discover a victim’s need, a narcissist will play the grand provider for it. For example, if you tell a narcissist that you lacked parents’ support while growing up, they will present themselves as highly supportive.

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What are the 7 traits of a narcissist

3. They are Highly Empathetic

To ensure a constant supply of praise, attention, and admiration, a narcissist typically searches for a partner who has a great deal of empathy (even though narcissists themselves lack empathy). 

The victim’s kindness and compassion make them willing to take the narcissist’s perspective even when the very same narcissist is busing them. 

After an abusive episode, a narcissist will play the victim, self-pitying and provoking empathy and compassion in a real victim. This allows a narcissist to escape accountability for their actions while enabling them to feel in control and gain power in a relationship.

4. They are Loyal 

A narcissist will require absolute loyalty and devotion. However, there is no reciprocity in a relationship with a narcissist. So, this loyalty is only one way – while they demand a commitment of their partners, narcissists typically betray the ties themselves, showing no remorse, guilt, or shame.

A narcissist will never have your best interest in mind. Instead, they will play on your loyalty card to isolate you from other people (including your family), blame you for their mistakes, and make you constantly feel guilty, lonely, and isolated. 

5. They Have Low Self-Esteem

Narcissists often look for victims who struggle with insecurity and low self-esteem. People who think less of themselves and struggle with the “I am not enough” mindset tend to attract toxic partners. 

People with self-esteem issues tend to think of themselves as imperfect or unlovable. They are usually overwhelmed by distorted thoughts and negative beliefs about own self-worth. Self-criticism can cause immense emotional distress, triggering feelings of anxiety, depression, and isolation and affecting the person’s behavior and life choices.

So, the narcissist will pick out a victim who has a problem loving themselves and who will idealize them, feeling dependent on their opinion and validation for a sense of own worth. 

6. They are Overly Accommodating

Narcissists typically choose overly accommodating and self-sacrificing partners. They seek people pleasers who mold themselves to the expectations and needs of others, always agreeing with everything the narcissist says and making sure the narcissist is taken care of. 

Since narcissists are inflexible and always want to be in control, it benefits them to have highly flexible and accommodating partners, willing not to get their way, ever.

What are the 7 traits of a narcissist

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7. They Take Responsibility for Everything 

This is one of the main traits narcissists look for in their victims. If you are overly responsible and anxious about meeting other people’s needs, this may make you a narcissist’s perfect target. 

Narcissists never take accountability for their words and actions. So, they need someone always to take responsibility for them and pick up the pieces after them.

A narcissistic abuse victim typically ignores their own needs while feeling utterly responsible for the narcissist’s. 

How to Detach Yourself from a Narcissist

What are the 7 traits of a narcissist

Acknowledge the Abuse

The first step in cutting ties with a narcissist is recognizing their behavior as abuse. 

Once you understand the traits narcissists look for, you will be able to see toxic trends in your relationship. Then, acknowledging abuse will allow you to set free and detach yourself from narcists. 

Practice Self-Care

There is no reciprocity in toxic relationships. Narcissists don’t care about their victims’ needs and feelings, and everything is always about them. So, you need to take care of yourself by practicing self-care strategies such as mindfulness, positive affirmations, exercise, and positive social interactions. 

Keep in mind that setting boundaries is one of the best ways to detach from a narcissist.

Seek Professional Support 

A toxic relationship with the narcissist may last for years. If you find it difficult to cope with your emotions, seek support. Working through your feelings, regaining a sense of self-worth, and developing strategies to move on after ending a toxic relationship with a narcissist is vital to moving forward.

SEE MORE: 5 Signs Someone Might Be a Spiritual Narcissist

What are the top 10 narcissistic traits?

10 Signs of a Narcissist.
Monopoly on Conversation..
Flaunting Rules or Social Conventions..
Fixation with Appearance..
Unreasonable Expectations..
Disregard for Other People..
Praise, Praise and More Praise..
It's Everyone Else's Fault..
They Fear Abandonment..

What are the 5 main habits of a narcissist?

Common Narcissist Characteristics.
Inflated Ego..
Lack of Empathy..
Need for Attention..
Repressed Insecurities..
Few Boundaries..

What is the biggest trait of a narcissist?

Grandiose sense of self-importance Grandiosity is the defining characteristic of narcissism. More than just arrogance or vanity, grandiosity is an unrealistic sense of superiority. Narcissists believe they are unique or “special” and can only be understood by other special people.

What are the 12 signs of narcissism?

12 signs of narcissism.
Superiority and entitlement. The world of the narcissist is all about good-bad, superior-inferior, and right-wrong. ... .
Exaggerated need for attention and validation. ... .
Lack of responsibility—blaming and deflecting. ... .
Lack of boundaries. ... .
Lack of empathy. ... .
Emotional reasoning. ... .
Splitting. ... .