How to help someone with bpd during an episode reddit

Relatively new to the whole world of BPD, I started dating a girl with diagnosed BPD (she sees a therapist weekly and is on medication). I am an introvert at heart (though a relatively social one), ISFP, extremely sensitive and emotionally empathic. Lovely combination with my BPDSO.

Most days she is an angel, and the highs are really high. But once a week come the curveballs, dark moments of extreme insecurity and chaos where when she will grab any flimsy excuse possible to sabotage this budding relationship. I literally feel like a punching bag for a couple hours until she flips like on a switch and all is fine in the world again.

How do you guys cope? As a person with high amounts of empathy I have real trouble simply switching off or ignoring her when she is in her destructive spiral and somehow she always pulls me in. Should I just completely disconnect and go NC until she is in a more reasonable state of mind? some of the things she says.. while its not directed at me, she ay be right, she knows how she gets, how she sabotages everything and she doesnt want to go through another heartbreak again so why bother even beginning.

Sometimes I feel shes right, best to remain friends and emotionally uninvolved and save the trouble long term. But somehow she keeps me coming back, and while I deal with these moments only once a week... who knows what it will be like in a couple months time. I feel if I can find a way to deal with these moments she has... everything else could be mroe manageble, but may that is just a self-delusion, and this is part of the deal. :/

I will begin by warning you this is a long post. It was necessary so I could explain my current situation.

I am seeking help with trying to help my mother who has BPD. She was diagnosed with it multiple times, but every time a psychiatrist diagnosis her with BPD, she stops seeing him/her. Afterwards, she will tell us how they are wrong, and will say she has anxiety, depression, ADHD, bipolar, etc... She has learned it is easier to persuade family doctors for a particular diagnosis (due to the doctor having a lack of info and time necessary to properly diagnose).

She does this to get pills. I haven't seen her in a long time, but the last time I saw her, she had about 14 different prescriptions. She will abuse these pills and take a month supply within a week. I believe she does this to try and self medicate and/or to escape from her issues. I've even tried to report this to her doctors, but none of them will listen (due to the laws protecting patient confidentiality). I have tried to plead with her to get help, yet I never seem to say the right thing. She will also manipulate me into thinking she doesn't need help.

To give you an idea on how manipulative she is...

The last time I told her I can't have any communication with her, she purposely overdosed on pills and texted her fiancé (currently he is just someone that allows her to live in his house due to her not having anywhere to go). Her overdose resulted in me talking to her again, and trying to rebuild our relationship. Although, within two days, she was back to lashing out and not respecting the boundaries I placed. This lead to me having sleepless nights and my anxiety being out of control, so I had to cut communication again. A couple hours after I texted her, she overdosed again.

After hearing this, I had a two hour long panic attack in the bathroom at work, and my heart rate was at 180-200bpm during those two hours. Later in the day, I was informed by her "fiancé" and my grandfather, that she wanted me to come visit her at the hospital. She has done this her whole life. She did it to her father when he had to cancel plans or didn't do what she wanted (a total of 12 times). I ended up keeping my word and ending all contact with her.

Based on all this information, I understand if it seems foolish of me to try and help her. However, I have done major work on myself during our time apart. I did therapy for around four months, twice a week. I have gotten to a point where I am not being controlled by my depression/anxiety. Therefore, I feel like I am able to reach out to her again.

I would like to reach out by sending her a letter in the mail. This being, I am not ready for her to have access to texting/calling me. I know our relationship shouldn't be based upon if she gets help, but I believe its the only way to have a healthy relationship. Furthermore, I am not sure what to say because I don't know what would be helpful to hear for someone with BPD, or something that would help her see the toll that BPD has taken on her life (I understand all disorders/illnesses take a toll on someone's life). In addition to, whenever I tried to persuade her to get help, she would feel like she is being "attacked."

Lastly, I'm sorry this is so long. My goal is to try and get people's opinions of what is/isn't helpful, so I can try to help my mom. It might seem foolish to some people, but I don't believe anyone is incapable of changing.

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What triggers an episode in BPD?